- |04/08/2009 06:18 pm
 | Time for a change...Part 2
Current mood:  blah
Category: Life
I know change takes time and lots of work but I keep finding myself turning back to those old ways. I'm too impatient of a person I think most of the time. Changing your life is hard! I try to work on it everyday but some days I just can't seem to see past all the pain, stress, and frustrations to keep moving forward. At times I just don't know if I can really do it anymore. At other times I think why the fuck am I being such a big baby about it all. There's so many things I want to do but I'm too scared to try, too scared of getting hurt again, too scared of hurting someone else. I know I'm a strong and stubborn person but some days I just feel so damn weak and helpless like I just don't matter to anyone anymore. I've got my 2 best friends and I love being able to talk to them but sometimes I just feel like there are some things I just don't know how to say to them about how I'm feeling or about what's wrong or whatever. Maybe this is just my fear of being too weak or maybe I'm just too confused and can't put things into words like I should be able to. I'm not sure what's going to happen from one day to the next and I think that's what's so damn scary to me right now. There are so many things that can go wrong and so many things that have already gone wrong, it just makes a person fear the future too much sometimes. I know I can't change people or the world, I can only work on myself and hope the best for the future and that maybe by making my own little changes it'll help others out too. I wish I had a crystal ball so I could see how things are going to turn out but I don't. I just have to try to take things in faith and pray that God will guide me in the right directions and give me that extra strength when I feel too weak on my own to move forward. I'm scared to death that my life is just going to fall apart even more and I won't be able to do anything about it but just sit there and watch in pain and misery. Some days I just don't know what to do with myself, other days I wish I had more friends to do things with or that could help me out in one way or another. I'm doing the best I can for the time being I guess. I just have to make myself accept my limitations and try to quit being so impatient about things and just work on what I can when I can. |