Some Poetry...

Somewhere In My Broken Heart 

You made up your mind 

It was time it was over 

I would not have chosen the road you have taken 

It has left us miles apart 

But I think I can still find the will to go on 

Somewhere in my broken heart 

So I'll go ahead and try to keep my love unspoken 

Until you find out who you are 

I hope that in time you'll find what you long for 

A love that's written in the stars 

And when you do I hope you'll see 

It's somewhere in my broken heart 

Forever Yours 

I've been waiting so long 

You said you love me till the end of time 

I miss that sweet smile 

That sweet caress 

I need you back now 

I need to be held tight in your arms again 

Why did you leave me 

I guess it's all been said and done 

Honey let me show you 

Baby you're the one 

I'll be forever yours 

You've gotta believe me 

Try to stick it out baby 

I'm hoping and praying 

Haven't I made it clear 

Can't you hear what I'm saying 

Won't you give me one more chance 

I wanna be your baby 

And be forever yours 

My heart begs to be free 

My heart begs to be free 

Free of the pain and misery 

Free of the heartbreak and despair 

Because there's nothing that compares 

To the love we could share 

My heart begs to be free 

Free from the loneliness it feels 

Free from its want to reveal 

Exactly how you make it feel 

My heart begs to be free 

Free of the uncontrollable fear 

Free of the untamed desire to want you near 

Because there is nothing I want more 

Than to show you what love is for 

My heart begs to be free 

Free from the depressed life it leads 

Free from the wounds it conceals 

From past loves lost 

Free my heart

Hmmmmmmmmmm...

Well it's been almost a week since I've wrote on here. So to update things... Umm well Monday night I stayed with Autumn again, we did our mile & 1/2 walk like we have been doing since I've been staying over there lately. Tuesday and Wednesday I didn't have to go over there because her husband is off work those days. Thursday I went and played pool at Chasers with Scott, it was pretty dead, we played for like 1 1/2 hrs. Then I went over to Autumn's again and we walked a mile. Didn't do much else. Friday I pretty much just sat around and chatted, then mowed the 1/2 of the yard mom didn't get mowed since we knew it was gonna storm. And today I've been lazy, Peyton woke me up at 8 to go outside and I went to bed and got back up at 10. Welp I'm gonna go make some coffee and wake up some more.

It's Sunday...bleh...

Well not much to report again. Was at Autumn's most of yesterday afternoon and all night, just got home around 11:30 am. We went for a long walk last night since she's trying to get the baby to come soon. I'll be going over there again tonight probably 8:ish since Brent's working tonight. Then he'll be home Tuesday and Wednesday so she won't need me there. Not much else going on in my life right now than that. I borrowed like 10-15 CD's from her so I can copy them to my computer which is what I'll be doing today until I head back over to her place. Welp I'm gonna go eat some lunch and start working on those CD's.

Nothing new so far...

Well I haven't gotten a call from Autumn saying she's in labor yet so I guess things are going ok. I'll probably call her soon and see if she's gonna need me there today or tonight since I'm not sure what Brent's work schedule is. I kinda had some things to vent about but I'm not really sure it's worth it anymore. I just wish I would quit having dreams that involve certain people that are not part of my life anyone. It's getting on my nerves. I'm trying so hard to get my life back in order that I don't want things screwing it up anymore like they have been. Even though I'm working on getting my life back in order it's still more in order than most of the guys I know anymore and I find that rather sad. No new date or love interests to report, but then who'd wanna date someone like me.

And now back to your regularly schedule program...

Well let's see...Not much has happened lately really. My dad is still in the KC VA but I've been told he's doing much better. I'm keeping more in contact with my true friends. My bestfriend Autumn is due to have her baby any day now so I've been staying with her while her husband is at work so someone is always with her incase she goes into labor. I've made a couple more internet friends. I also ran into an old friend from back when I was with my ex-fiance Steven, I always called him my Joeybear, he's a DJ for V-100 (Joey Baggz). I ran into (Topeka) Scott last night at Chasers and we cleared the air about all that stuff in the past so everything is fine between us again. I was kinda shocked to see him there because I hadn't seen him there in over a month at least since I've been going back there but it was nice. Not much else is going on beside the normal stress I've been under lately. My disability was denied but with my lawyer I can appeal the decision. I'm just waiting until I can see my new Dr. next month so she can document everything and run the other tests I need done then I will file the appeal. I've been trying to exercise more so I'm slowly losing some weight. I go see my meds Dr. the 30th so we'll see if he up's my dosage again or decides to try another drug. Well I can't really think of anything else to write so I guess I'll post this now.

And now for the season finale of Days of My Life...

Things have really got to change before I go back to the almost suicidal way I was before I got some help and on medication. I'm sick of being in the middle of this square of bullshit, lies, and drama. What sucks is I wanted to be friends with all 4 parties involved but it's never gonna happen so I'm backing out of it all no matter who it hurts because it can't hurt them more than all of this has been hurting me. So as for Becca, Cole, Anthony, and Josh you all can kiss my ass because I'm sick of being used and lied to by all of you. Yes you're right I am a bitch and it's about time I fucking take a stand for myself instead of letting you all walk all over me and use my for your entertainment and the butt of all your jokes. I'm sure it's gonna be hard to find someone as nice and friendly and gullible as I am but you all can get over it and leave me the fuck alone. Becca as far as my camera goes you better make sure I get it back in one piece and still working one way or another or you'll be owing me $200 for it. I will continue to go to Chasers because I have at least 8 other friends out there to talk to and hang out with that I know don't take advantage of me because they have no way of doing it since they only see me one night a week. This will be my last blog for a long time because I'm staying away from everyone and everything that is harmful to me.