- |06/18/2006 12:49 pm
I received a visit on Wednesday, May 31st from the Police Chaplin. He informed me that my father passed away. The neighbors hadn't seen him around for a few days at least so they called the police on Sunday, May 28th to have someone check up on him. The police found him dead in his home that Sunday. I have been going through a ton of mixed emotions in the last few days now. My father and I weren't on speaking terms and hadn't been for a few years and the problems ran further back than that. It was hard to hear the news at first but I think I took it fairly well, it was very hard to walk into his house the first time and see that he still kept all the pictures of me displayed on his table where he could look at me every day. I guess he really did love me in his own fucked up way. I feel bad for having hated him for so long but I know he's not in pain anymore and that's what really gets me through all this, plus knowing that whatever I get out of his possessions will allow me to better my life and others. I've been very busy the last few days with making calls, canceling accounts, boxing up his belongings, moving stuff, cleaning things up so I can get the house somewhat ready to sell when the time comes. I always thought I'd be older than 31 when I had to deal with all this and bury a parent. He was 61, a very heavy smoker, had lung problems due to smoking so long, heart problems, high blood pressure, diabetes, prostate problems, kidney problems, as well as bi-polar disorder. With all those problems and all that pain I'm sure he welcomed the death but I hate to think of how he suffered there alone, and possibly how long he was laying there before he died or if it was quick, and how long was he actually dead before the police found him. I truly hope I never go that way but I'm definitely going to make sure I have my burial plot and arrangements paid for as well as keeping a current living will. Things like this really make you realize anything can happen at any time and you should always try to be prepared so you're loved ones that are left behind don't have to go through the stress like I have been doing.