Blah...

Well I think it's gonna start raining here in a bit which means I can't go out and enjoy the nice day and fresh air. Oh well.

... Mmmmmmmmm my comforter still smells a little like Brian's cologne. I know he's just a good friend but damn he smells good. heehee I had an interesting dream about him last night though, not sure what to think about that. ...

Guess it'll be a good day to try to do some writting or maybe download more mp3's. Not really sure what else to do, I'm broke, don't have much of a life, and almost all my friends are way too busy for me anyway so here at home I sit.

I know I bitch quite a lot about guys on this thing but it's just cuz I don't understand them anymore like I used to. Maybe I'm just getting too old. After all I'll be the big 3-0 in November. I'm so tired of getting fucked over, I'm too nice and easy going of a person.
I need to get a backbone again like I used to have in high school. Back then there wasn't anything anyone could do to hurt me because I just sluffed it off and went on about my buisness and having fun. I partied a lot back then so I met lots of people and got around a bit and learned how to be thick skinned, but part of that thick skin also came from dealing with my asshole of a father. I blame him most for my shitty childhood and how I am now. He was always an asshole and made it very clear to me at a very early age that I was supposed to be a boy and not a girl because he wanted a son. Not to mention he passed on his Manic-Depressive gene to me. Oh well...Life goes on.

Well I guess I'll shut up now, probably enough bitching for you all to read today.