So OK...My life is really starting to piss me off lately.
I had this friend that I started to have feelings for, took a big chance and poured my heart out to him and he ripped it to shred's...Then he quit talking to me for a while due to drama in his life which seemed more like he was putting the blame on me since it was do to online people...Then out of the blue he talks to me again and expected me to think things were just dandy and all...Then when I'm being a smartass with him he gets pissed off and doesn't talk to me again for a while...This repeated itself a couple times and started to really piss me off...Now I'm not sure I really even want to talk to him anymore because I can't handle that kind of stress.
Then I have this friend, well she used to be a good friend of mine back in high school, anyway she's kinda like family to my stepdad and her daughter is basically my parents grandchild...Well she's turned into like the biggest fucking mooch I've ever know in my entire life...My parents barely get the bills paid around here and if it wasn't for me getting food stamps each month we'd be starving to death...She thinks we're lying about this apparently because she still keeps asking them to borrow money which by the way she never pays back and still owes them $300 which they'll never see again...She keeps bitching about being so broke yet she can buy her daughter a new toy every time she gets to see her and also goes and gets her nails done and fakebakes and all that crap...Well I really wish she'd just get a fucking clue and realize that the world doesn't revolve around her just because she got divorced.
Then I have this friend who I used to date and a short while after we broke up he tried to get some of his friends, which were actually my friends and he would have never met them if it wouldn't have been for me, to not like me anymore by saying I said shit that I never said...He acted like nothing ever happened and since I was desperate for more friends at the time I just put it behind me but didn't hang out with him anymore really...But now we're better friends and he still doesn't listen to me very well and one of these days I'm just gonna bitch him out and he's gonna be like where the fuck did all that come from.
Then I have these bar friends who most of them act like they all wanna get with me and the one time I bring my cousin out with me, who is definitely hotter than me but that's beside the point, they all start drooling over her and don't come talk to me because they're intimidated by her beauty which really made me feel like a fat ugly troll. I suppose we'll see what happens when I bring her out there again this week.
I know everyone has lives and all and mine is just standing still in this big black pit of misery but you'd think if they are truly my friends they'd at least help pick me up out of there if even just for a few hours but it doesn't happen much. I'm about 2 foot from the edge of an even bigger hole that's 6 feet deep and you never come back out of it. I thought the meds were helping but it seems they just keep pushing me from one extreme to the other and I don't know which end is up anymore and I'm starting to get real sick of it. I've tried dealing with the stress in the best ways I know how but it's starting to not work anymore. I'm still trying because I really don't want this getting the best of me and I made a promise to my mother the last time I attempted to end my life that I would never leave her childless.
So now you all can know just a sliver of what my pathetic life is really like and why I never let people know everything.
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